The soon-to-be bride has gone viral after revealing that she didn’t invite her brother, father, uncle, and cousin from her wedding after she said they took a joke too far. Internet seems OK.
The anonymous woman, known only as u/Throwawayfamily976, posted about her stance on the popular Reddit forum “Am I The A** hole” where she received more than 17,800 upvotes and 4,440 comments from concerned users.
If arranging a wedding isn’t stressful enough, experts say dealing with parents and family members who don’t love your significant other can stress not only the romantic relationship but also can cross many boundaries.
According to Karder Stout, a California-based therapist, parents often have the idea that without their help, their children would not be supported. Tell Goop that it’s important to “create a foundation in your own life” to show your parents that you can thrive and be independent without their control.
Stout said setting healthy parental boundaries can help parents recognize if they’re crossing the line — even if their intentions aren’t malicious.
In the post titled “AITA for not inviting my cousin, brother, uncle and father to my wedding because of a joke?” The bride, 22, explained that she grew up in a family where men love to tease and tease each other.
She said that since she and fiancé Tim, 23, got engaged, her brother, cousin, dad and uncle had joked about “taking some ‘tests’ to find out what ‘type’ of the guy.”
The bride said she forced Tim to play chess four times in a row and even went so far as to secretly cut his tires to see if he would try to fix it himself or be a “lazy” guy and ask for help.
“They asked him questions like the joke he’d like to tell MIL in the future, his views on abortion, Christ, gender equality, etc.,” the post explained. “They also tested his hunting and fishing skills, and flooded him with hypothetical scenarios to test his decision-making abilities/brain strength.”
She explained that Tim has asthma but men in her family believe he is “making excuses” and describe him as “slow” and “soft”. In the post, she said she had asked her family to stop, but her father responded that it was “typical things that men challenge each other” and that it “ruined the fun.”
“Last week they took Tim on a 3 day trip and hid his inhaler, he left them and came back in 7 hours and told me,” she wrote. “I felt nauseous after he said they had admitted hiding them as a ‘challenge’, it exploded at them when they came back.”
She said her cousin asked her if “Little Timmy” ran into “chatter” before she screamed and didn’t call her from her wedding and Tim.
Her brother got scared and said it was all a joke and they planned to return Tim’s inhaler. Her father said they would all apologize if she insisted, but Tim would “lose a little of the respect” the guys had earned him. He also said that in their eyes, Tim would always be the unchallenged “decent college kid.”
In the post, the bride said she called them all “awful” and then left. She said her cousin was “begging” for them to talk, but her uncle didn’t say anything.
“But my father is very angry, and now he is engaging my mother, urging me to reconsider this decision,” the post read. “But I still refuse to invite them back. My mom says I’m exaggerating and should let things go long and not let this spoil my relationship with my family. AITA? To make it a death hill or am I exaggerating?”
Thousands of users quickly flocked to the comments section of the bride’s post to offer their support and call out her family to bully Tim.
One user wrote: “In my family we tease each other and play jokes and trust me, that’s not what we do! Joking is meant to be fun without harm. And none of that is harmless.”
The user also explained that as someone with asthma they know what it feels like when they need their inhaler and don’t want it on anyone.
Another user wrote: “They shouldn’t come. Their pranks have gone from pretty inappropriate to downright dangerous.” “They hid the inhaler from someone with asthma. Not only would I keep them uninvited, but I wouldn’t have contact with them completely.”
The bride replied in the comments that Tim no longer feels comfortable with the men in her family, but does not want to drive a wedge between her and her family.
Some users said the bride was not at fault for not inviting her family, but that she may have had to take action early on.
“NTA- to cancel the invitation of your father, cousin, brother and uncle [sic] One user said: “YTA- to make your husband put up with his antics for a long time.”
Another added, “The communication had stopped after the tires were cut for me.”
NEWSWEEK u/Throwawayfamily976 was reached but did not receive comment in time for publication.