How to host a dinner party without becoming an internet villain

Image of the article called How to Host a Dinner Party Without Being an Internet Villain

Clarification: Holton Archive (Getty Images)

When a friend invites you to dinner, do you expect to pay for the meal they serve you? It’s a question raised by a recent viral tweet, to which most people online answered with “Hell no!”

The specific situation shown in the virus tweet Share Twitter user Receive an invitation to someone’s house for dinner, Where homemade pasta was served. According to the tweets in the thread, the hosts sort of mentioned paying during dinner and later sent a Venmo order for the meal.

Is this appropriate in any circumstance? What are best practices as a dinner party host and guest? To get to the bottom of this, I consulted with etiquette expert, author, and podcast host Lizzie Post, the granddaughter of the Queen of Etiquette, Emily Post.

“The host’s goal has always, always been, to keep his guests comfortable, and make them feel comfortable,” Post says. “Surprising someone with a bill after inviting them is like the antithesis of hospitality.”

When do you ask to pay for dinner

If you expect people to pay for a mealthis arrangement It must be agreed in advance. The main case for this will be some kind of charity dinner or other special event, something with an invitation that clearly spells out the financial expectations.

“The guest can say no, and he can decline, and he can choose not to participate—Post says:

This can also be the case for some forms of casual breakss, like birthday dinner for a friend in a restaurant. WWho is planning this event? You must reach the other guests early To make things clear: Shall we cover the guest of honor?‘Realistic smart?’ Do we want to split the bill evenly? or both Cover our meals? All logistics must be decided before dinner so that all guests can feel relaxed and enjoy the moment.

However, when it comes to having dinner at someone’s house, there is a hard and fast rule: yesYou should never charge your guests for the dinner you cook.

met still not okay To charge your guests,” says Post. “But [even if you do]And the Everything is supposed to happen at the front end so that guests can make decisions.”

When to use Venmo

“Venmo doesn’t do anything better,” says Post. I made it clear that you should never ask for money from other people when it is unexpected, no matter how easy it is to pay The app makes it do that.

It’s also still a bad idea to do things like include Venmo on your wedding registry when asking for money. “It’s one thing if a guest says, ‘I’d like to give you money for the wedding guys, can I have your Venmo handle?’ But to say, ‘P’ says Post.Rent gives us cash, our Venmo knob is this, “not fit on the record yet.”

How to politely decline a request

Post says “just say no”. All you have to do is say ‘No, I’m sorry,’ I will not come to this. You don’t even have to say thank you for the invite if you don’t want to. I’m not able to do that because I think this is a really bad idea Fine-You just don’t tell them which part you think is a really bad idea, because that wouldn’t be polite.”

this is gGood news for all of us who feel the need to over-explain when we send our regrets, or come up with elaborate excuses for why we can’t.

Host a dinner party within your budget

So what do you do when you spend more than you intended At a dinner party? It’s one of the only reasons (and still bad) I can think of to ask for money from guests after the event.

“if it was”Girl’s face!’ Then ,girl’s face upon you And you don’t have to go and ask others to help correct your mistake.” “You really want to plan within your budget to start with, so if now you can’t afford to host a dinner for your friends, I’ll host a partyAnd the Or I might choose a much smaller guest list. I might not try to serve gourmet foods or really expensive items – there is nothing that says you have to use expensive items for your dinner party to qualify as a dinner party. “

Since casual hangouts are so common in our generation, a “dinner party” can be the equivalent of ordering and splitting a pizza, or just making cocktails and snacks. Basically, if you’re the host, you can decide what to expect tonight. yBe sure to notify your guests ahead of time.

Ways to Show Appreciation to a Dinner Party Host

No matter the size or style of the encounter, it is always best to show gratitude to your host afterwards, and this certainly does not have to be in the form of a monetary donation.

“Connecting with your host and telling your host how much that evening meant to you, that you had a great time, it was so great to connect with people again, and feel some normalcy, it’s all beautiful, whether you’re sending a text, phone or handwritten note Post says.

If we go back again to Emily Post’s erathe right thing to do is to reciprocate by directing the host to your house the next day Get-together or together. There should be no competition so much as trying to reconcile the level of imagination or excel over casual commentary; What matters is just opening up your house and sharing time together.

“Whatever your entertaining style is, it invites those particular people who have hosted you and have hosted you well‘ says Post. ‘Do it your style,’ But treating them to a great evening is a great way to go on and say thank you.”